I wanted to write a blog that meant something. Up until today, it has been my thoughts on life or current events. Nothing truly with substance. I read a friend of mine’s blog, and felt inspired.
Every family has their corks. Every child has at least one thing their parents scared them for life from. But how long do we hold on to those excuses? When does it become our responsibility? Yes, our parents shape our lives. They mold us to what they think we should be. Sometimes the mold is cracked and flawed. Most parents do what they think is right and what is best. Others don’t put much thought into it at all. They are just waiting for you to not be their responsibility.
I went my entire life always looking for a mother figure. My mother had given me up when I was 5, walked back into my life by 7. She had visitation up until I was 14 when I had no choice but to live with her. During those times she wasn’t around, I clung to my father’s girlfriends and my stepmother. My stepmother could be worse than my mother at times. They were equally damaging to me.
I am 30 years old now. I have 2 kids of my own. My home life is as normal as you could get for the most part. I have strived to make sure my kids had a mother and father that was present and in their lives forever.
With my ex-stepmother out of the picture and my mother as well, I was still looking for that motherly love. I found it in my mother in law. We have been going through a rough patch ourselves. When talking to my in laws, they asked --- “why do you take things so personal?” My response- Clear as day without a tear in my eye or a handful of emotions held a bay. I said “ Because people acting like this towards me or leaving or treating me this way---- I always think ‘Here we go again’ ‘Why me?’” –To me, it’s a vicious cycle that I have to break. I can only break it by not allowing these people in my life have so much control over me and my emotions.
With that being said, it was then, that I had this epiphany. I didn’t need a mother figure, I needed to BE a mother figure. It is amazing what changes in you when you change what you think. And just like that, the standards I held for people such as my “mother figures” dissipated. I no longer am sad because I don’t have the urge to post a picture of my mommy and me for mother’s day. However, as many did do that, I posted a picture of my kids and I. The caption read – “Everyone is posting pictures of their Mother for Mother’s day, but I myself will be thanking my children for making ME the Mother I am.”
My advice- change the narrative. Change the context of the story. You are the author of your own story. Not your mother, not your father, not your family, not your boyfriend, friends, job, not your bank account or the size of your house, or the car you drive. The story ends the way you want it to.